It's been one week. One week since our sweet Nellie girl passed away in our arms. We dream about what her life with us would have been like. Would she be goofy like her mama? Fearless like her daddy? We miss her every second of the day. 

Today we made it to 22 weeks with Clifford, a big milestone. The hospital gave me a card and a cupcake to celebrate. This is the earliest gestational age where he has a chance of surviving outside of utero. With active treatment in the NICU, baby boy would have about a 28% chance of survival. It doesn't sound like much, but it's hope.

Codey and I woke up today feeling a sense of peace, knowing that Nellie is in a better place and is with us, always. We’ve been receiving signs from her all day, letting us know she is okay. I don’t know if we will ever really heal from this, but I know in time things will get a little easier. Codey and I are strong and are leaning on each other to get through this incredibly tough time. And we know we have to continue to be strong for our baby boy, Clifford Brett.

Today I’m 20+6. Just about 21 weeks and just about two weeks away from viability. We’re so close yet so far away. The uncertainty that every day brings is excruciating. Last night what I’ve been dreading began - cramping. There is no doubt the cramps were what felt like contractions, but I’m too afraid to call them that. Because that means this is real and labor could be approaching.