22 weeks pregnant

Today we made it to 22 weeks with Clifford, a big milestone. The hospital gave me a card and a cupcake to celebrate. This is the earliest gestational age where he has a chance of surviving outside of utero. With active treatment in the NICU, baby boy would have about a 28% chance of survival. It doesn't sound like much, but it's hope. Even by 23 weeks chances of survival go up to 50%. Our goal is to make it much farther along, so Clifford, please get comfortable in there! We're hoping for a long and boring stay here in the hospital until your arrival. 

Over the last couple of days, I've received two rounds of steroid shots in each hip to support and speed up Clifford's lung development. This morning I also received my first dose of Magnesium, which significantly reduces the chance of brain bleed and supports his neurodevelopment. So far, no cramping, contractions, or signs of infection. He continues to have a strong heartbeat and is wiggling around quite a bit. We feel so thankful to be able to fight another day for our little guy. 

Simultaneously, Codey and I have been trying to process the loss of Nellie while remaining strong and hopeful for Clifford. To put all of these feelings into words is nearly impossible - grief, sadness, love, hope...we're navigating and coping the best we can. You never imagine that the first time you meet your baby will also be the day you have to say goodbye. We think about Nellie constantly and how badly we want her with us. While we're still in the middle of this battle, we're also having to make arrangements with the funeral home. All things you never imagine having to navigate during a time in your life that is supposed to be filled with joy. This isn't how our first year of marriage was supposed to go, and definitely not how we imagined our first pregnancy to go. We have a lot to process but remain hopeful that there is some sunshine at the end of the storm. After all, we have our girl Nellie in our corner every day, giving us the strength to make it through each day. 

For now, the days in the hospital are slow - so slow. I can't wait for the day that I feel like I can breathe again, knowing our baby boy will be healthy and coming home with us. Thank you so much for your continued prayers, they mean so much to us

With so much love,

Sadie