A space where love, loss, and motherhood come together
This is the story of our family — and the road that’s shaped us. From losing our daughter Nellie, to the miracle of our 24-week preemie Clifford, to the joy of welcoming our sweet Tucker.
It’s a reflection of the knots we’ve tied and retied — the ones that hold through grief, healing, and hope. Through the hospital days, therapies, and care plans, Working End is where I share the real work of motherhood — the advocacy, the resilience, and the love that keeps us steady when life looks nothing like we imagined.
My Journal
22 weeks pregnant
Today we made it to 22 weeks with Clifford, a big milestone. The hospital gave me a card and a cupcake to celebrate. This is the earliest gestational age where he has a chance of surviving outside of utero. With active treatment in the NICU, baby boy would have about a 28% chance of survival. It doesn't sound like much, but it's hope.
A sense of peace
Codey and I woke up today feeling a sense of peace, knowing that Nellie is in a better place and is with us, always. We’ve been receiving signs from her all day, letting us know she is okay. I don’t know if we will ever really heal from this, but I know in time things will get a little easier. Codey and I are strong and are leaning on each other to get through this incredibly tough time. And we know we have to continue to be strong for our baby boy, Clifford Brett.
Nellie Kay Carlisle
The worst day of our lives. How do I begin to put this into words This morning I woke up ecstatic that I went the entire night without cramping, I thought maybe things were looking up. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. At 8:45am on Thursday, 7/27, I unexpectedly gave birth to our baby girl at home. The first time I saw Nellie Kay, she was so tiny but so beautiful. I never loved anything so much.
20 weeks pregnant
Today I’m 20+6. Just about 21 weeks and just about two weeks away from viability. We’re so close yet so far away. The uncertainty that every day brings is excruciating. Last night what I’ve been dreading began - cramping. There is no doubt the cramps were what felt like contractions, but I’m too afraid to call them that. Because that means this is real and labor could be approaching.
Hanging on the hope
Today, I felt my stomach was bigger. Like the deflated balloon was starting to fill back up. I’ve been drinking a lot of water, and have had minimal leaking throughout the day. And now, the most incredible sign of hope just happened. The amazing nurses at Logan Hospital decided to do an ultrasound to check on baby A’s amniotic fluid. To our surprise, she had a significant amount more fluid than yesterday!
The day everything changed
The past two days have been the worst of my life. I’ve never felt so much pain and sadness all at once, as my world flipped upside down. Wednesday night (7/13/23) in Whitefish, MT my water prematurely broke. Baby A’s sac had ruptured. I immediately went to the hospital to find answers